Last night, as I was questioned yet again why I was drinking tea sitting at my favorite watering hole, I mentioned to a female friend that I was looking forward to being "skinny again". Her reaction was immediate and chastising. "Don't say skinny," she whispered with a quick shake of the head. "Healthy, fit. You're beautiful, you don't have to be skinny." She was intense and sincere, borderline concerned.
My first reaction was to chuckle. The person, albeit a social acquaintance, doesn't know me terribly well. Politically correct verbiage has never scored high on my priority list, but since I'm writing this blog, I thought I should explain why I use the word SKINNY, and not any of the Oprah-endorsed terms that float around book-clubs and white-wine-soaked lunches. And in starting to write about it, I came to a whole other angle...
Initially, I would say, "I say skinny, because skinny is the word I choose to use." "Skinny", to me, does not mean I am seeking to suddenly sprout six inches, lose my curves and become a super-model. I'm 5'3 and always have had a classic hour glass figure. I have no intention of changing that, nor would I want to in a million years. I don't say I want to "become healthy", because being able to wear the clothes I love on Pinterest is a stronger motivator to me than making my body into a locally sustainable farmer's market, and I already have a perfectly healthy sense of self. I've fought for it over the past decade, and I'm not about to use a term that suggests I'm suddenly a fucking caterpillar/butterfly analogy. I don't say "fit" because to me that implies exercise. I hate exercise. I know I will have to do some, but I have no desire whatsoever to have cut abs, defines biceps or thunderously muscular thighs. I have one word for that: ew. Not that other women don't look great when they're fit and cut and all that, it's just not for me.
But upon writing and editing and chewing on this all morning, I realize the statement that caught me most off guard was "you don't have to be skinny." I know what the speaker intended - she was speaking from a place of female empowerment, not accepting social pressure to conform to a body type, etc. And in a general sense, in a girl-power, teach the kids to love themselves way, I totally agree. But the verbiage irked me. It poked at the back of my brain, annoying me... so here's what I came to.
I take a basic issue with this empowerment psycho-babble that circulates the airwaves and gives us permission to be idiots, waving our fingers in the air saying "You don't know maaaay!" like a bunch of braying mules. I believe it's time to redefine the word SKINNY. Let's try this, shall we?
S is for SHARING
Guess what? You're NOT entitled to be fat. (genetic/medical conditions are obviously exempt here) You're not entitled to eat in excess, tax the medical system with your engorged heart, cholesterol-laden arteries, your crushed joints, and the slough of complications that come from being over-weight. This "right" is not in any constitution, Magna Carta, MLK speech, spiritual text of ANY origin, no where.
You're not entitled to contribute to the ever-present inequality of our economic system. Do you have homeless and starving in your city? Your neighbourhood? I bet you do... SO PUT DOWN THE FORK. Share a bit, Petunia Pig. Donate some of your food to a food bank. Make a meal for someone convalescing or in need. Be skinny with your consumption. Eat less. Be excessive with your spirit. Indulge in giving.
K is for KNOWLEDGE
Know what you're eating. At all times. Know what it does to your body, your environment, your planet. Educate your self - there are dozens of documentaries, books, online blogs, twitter accounts, all about food, sustainability, diet, ecology and agriculture. You don't have to become a zealot to understand how our food systems work, and how messed up they can be.
I is for INTEGRATION
Nothing works on it's own. Balance and inter-connectivity are essential to making major lifestyle changes work. I can't go back to 6 drinks a day and think I can stay thin. Unless I take up a drug habit. Which I'd rather not. I have to make time to take care of myself - time to shop for foods carefully, time to prep and cook, time to be active. Working at my desk for 8 hours straight is no longer an option (as a self-employed person, this is harder than you might think). I have to prioritize ME in here, or this will never stick.
N is for NARCISSISM
Let's just admit this and get it out of the way. As much as we all pay lip service to "everyone is beautiful", I know, and YOU know, we don't really believe that. Semantically, I would change that to say "There is beauty in all things" or "There's something beautiful in everyone", but we as a society have a standard of beauty. It's there. It changes with fashion and time, but it's there. I'm not interested in shifting how we LOOK at each other. I think the shift needs to be how we VALUE each other. I can think someone needs a make-over, but still value their contribution to work, or even society at large. Hilary Clinton has fat ankles. She's an amazing woman with influence and obviously a will and strength of iron (Hi Bill). But, maybe go back to pant-suits, Hil. I love to dress up. I love heels, I love accessories, I love turning heads in a room. I like compliments on my appearance. Accept it, put it in it's place, and move on.
N is for NO
To low-self esteem. To self-doubt. To loneliness. To despair. To self-loathing and judgement. To fear of your own skin. No more.
Y is for YES
I'm not going to list the yes' for you. We all have our own yes'. What are you saying yes to? What are you inviting into your life by deciding to make a lifestyle change and commitment to that change? How may doors can you see opening, and happily closing? It's exciting, isn't it? The prospect of being YOU. Exactly how you really want to be, with no excuses, no fear, no hiding beneath the weight of the past, whatever your past was. Yes to letting go. Yes to SKINNY.
Before I sign off - please know that writing this was really for me - I needed to say this to myself. I have no intention of coming off preachy or like a day-time talk-show host. Some of the things I wrote here were hard for me. There may have been tears. Maybe. But I already feel lighter, and I guess that's something, isn't it?
With great thanks to Lauren Gibson for the inspiration...
No comments:
Post a Comment